Thanks Yanni

My brother-in-law, 김영승, is quite a fun guy. We're in regular contact and even though his English isn't perfect and my Korean is "special", we still manage to have some brotherly fun. That is...until 고운 told me that 영승 and his girlfriend had been over to her mom's place (my mother-in-law of course) and that this "girlfriend" had made an excellent impression on her.

You might think that I would be happy for everyone involved in this situation and if you did then, well, you would be wrong. You see, ever since I met 고's mom after only three weeks into our relationship, I have been maintaining my number one status with everyone in the family. I have been able to do this WITHOUT the use of Korean. Imagine if I was fluent! -maybe that would hurt me. Nonetheless, this new bird flies in there and makes a great impression on her therefore challenging my number status as the BEST EVER. So naturally, I saw this not as a potential wife for 영승 and future family member, but as threat to my reign.

A few days later, 고 told me that we were going to her mom's for lunch and that the purpose of the lunch was for me and 고 to meet 영승's girlfriend. I immediately dropped to the floor and did fifty push-ups. I had to be fit if I wanted to compete. For the next few hours, I looked in the mirror while making polite but intimidating faces and poses that were sure to throw off my competition. And then, just before it was time to go and after taking my daily steroid injection, I put on one song that was sure to give me that little extra kick that I needed.

That's right. We hopped in a cab and before long, we were there. Expecting to see my new rival, I walked in the door with my head held high and a confident, yet demeaning smirk. She wasn't in there. It was just 고's mom. We sat and talked and I try to cement my image as much as possible.

Over an hour later, she and 김영승 walked in. The battle started. Immediately, she went after my weak spot: speaking to 고's mother. I held her off by making sure 고's mom always had enough to drink. It was clearly a battle of calculated attrition. So, they we were; sitting on either side of her, vying for the top spot. I was certain that my charm and need to be the loudest person in the room would carry me to glory, but all of a sudden, the "girlfriend" went for the kill. As I was talking to 김영승 and 고, I noticed that she had loaded some meat and vegetables on a piece of lettuce and proceeded to feed 고's mom. I was beat. How could I top that? I couldn't feed her, that's weird.

I bit the bullet and ventured into the other room. I frantically paced back and forth trying to make sense of what just happened and how I could come back. I needed help, but from who or where? The sweat was pouring down my face. My heart was racing , but then I glanced at a bookcase near the computer and saw a Yanni DVD from his show in Beijing. I knew that 고's mom loved Yanni, so without hesitation I ran over to the computer, went to Youtube and typed in 'yanni". I turned up the volume and waited for the bass to kick in before I walked back into the other room.

I put on my yellow leopard-skin shirt and tight-in-the-front jeans and cued the smoke machine for my big entrance. It had to be perfect.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and stepped into the room. The smoke was bellowing out from behind me. All eyes were planted on me and I knew that I had to go straight for the kill. I walked directly over to 고's mom, took her by the hand and began to dance. It was a bass-driven song and quite easy to dance to. My extensive background in Mazurka helped me as we spun, hopped and skipped all over the threatening rise of my challenger. It was hard to hear over 고's moms laughter, but I think I heard the "girlfriends" spirit break. It sounded like this.

The dancing continued for about twenty minutes or so and when it was all over, I had defended my title, drank way too much and crushed the spirit of a completely unsuspecting girl. It was a victory that will be remembered for decades and celebrated for centuries.

Thanks Yanni. I will always defend your mustache for what you have done for me.