Thursday, August 21, 2008

Misogynism at its best...

This was too funny not to post.

Sound of the Week: Techno Remix

Queen is one of the greatest bands of the past century and I really didn't discover their greatness until I moved to Korea and made a slight crack in the jam band bubble that I had chosen to keep myself in for the past ten years. So, today I'd like to offer this great Queen tune that has been remixed to my liking.

Here's the original of "Living on my own".

And here's the techno remix.

The remix is better and really rocks from 1:45 on...

Long Hours

For the past three weeks I have been putting in some serious working hours. I'm averaging around 80-85 hours a week. It hasn't been that bad really and I would be a lot more eager to work these hours if it didn't include a stop over at my old school to teach the kids. However, it seems that they still can't get their shit together over there and have yet to find even one new teacher. My responsibilities officially end on August 29th there and I am counting down the hours.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Sound of the Week: Techno Remix

It appears that work and everything else is finally setting itself into a nice steady routine, so I should be able to focus a little more on this site. I say that, but I'm not so sure. The political season is getting pretty hot, so The Clam might be seeing a lot more action regardless.

Still, I'm here now and want to introduce the musical theme of the week: The Techno Remix!

So, today's super amazing remix features a John Parr song from the classic film, St. Elmo's Fire.

Click here for the original.

Here's the remix...

Any remixes you want to hear?

Monday, August 11, 2008

The Tough Guy Chronicles: Used Bathwater

This is an odd Tough Guy today. The blog is in Spanish and I didn't even bother to translate any of it because the title was enough.

First the full title, " Bathwater: I Still Love to Wash in Your Old Bathwater".

That's gross. Do I have to write more?


I did translate some of it and this is what I got...

"And the only thing I wanted was the simple things, a kind of simple life. And all you needed was a simple man .. As a patient you are looking for domestic abuser fight, everything that I wanted were things simple. A kind of simple life .. If we knew tomorrow for the first time Will start all over again? Will attempt to make my own? Now all the simple things simply are quite complicated for my life .. When everything you always wanted are things simple. A kind of simple life."

I guess she broke up with someone and apparently he might have loved a good "domestic abuser fight". Who doesn't? I would like to mention that this Tough Guy posted the lyrics to Don't Speak, so her ex is lucky to have made it out. And since she titled her blog "I Still Want to Lay in Your Filth", I can only imagine that she is pretty obsessed (or waiting for that invisibility suit to be created).

Can you think of a better way to say "I Still Love to Wash in Your Old Bathwater."

***Update 2***

Wait! Do you think that she has kept his old bathwater in her bathtub since they broke up and she STILL loves to wash in it? If so, then she might just be the toughest Tough Guy yet.

About time

We all heard so many great things about the "future" when we were growing up. Ronald Reagan promised us star wars, Michael J. Fox teased us with the hover board and The Jetsons made us believe that robots with attitudes would be doing our laundry. Yet, here we are in the year 2008 and I haven't seen anything even close to that. I feel like it was common knowledge that we would at least have flying cars by now and still we have nothing. In fact, before today I couldn't have thought of one invention that seemed "futurey".

Luckily, some nerds at Berkley have been spending millions to give people like me some hope for a sensationally fictionalized future.

"Scientists have created two new types of materials that can bend light the wrong way, creating the first step toward an invisibility cloaking device. One approach uses a type of fishnet of metal layers to reverse the direction of light, while another uses tiny silver wires, both at the nanoscale level. Both are so-called metamaterials -- artificially engineered structures that have properties not seen in nature, such as negative refractive index."

So, light is bending and stuff is happening. I want to know if I can go to the store and buy an invisibility bodysuit. Again, my dreams were dashed.

"We are not actually cloaking anything," Valentine said in a telephone interview. "I don't think we have to worry about invisible people walking around any time soon. To be honest, we are just at the beginning of doing anything like that."

Nothing soon, but they did say that they are at the beginning, so I have some hope. I wonder though, if I were one of these scientists and I created a cloaking device I'm not so sure that I would tell other people about, so why would they? Don't you think that they would want to do a little spying before releasing it?

You know what I would do?

Nope. I would have something to do with this...

But what?

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Exclusive Summer Olympics news & widgets at NBC!


고 and I are watching Weightlifting. It looks like it's going to be between Taiwan, Korea and Turkey for the top three spots. The great part about being in Asia for the Games is that the are aired LIVE. We don't have to hide from the news until the event airs. Also, it appears they are going to show all of the events rather than only a few events like the US did in 2004.

Live Update: Apparently, China decided not to enter the competition until the weight was up to 90k. Now it's between Turkey, China and Korea. China expects 78 gold medals from Lifting.

Live Update: The Chinese woman is up to 95k. The other two are still hanging out at 88k. This gold was already figured into the total amount expected, so the US didn't lose any ground.

It looks like China will get gold, Turkey silver and Korea gets the bronze.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

"A vacation from ourselves"

Many people grow facial hair in the winter. Well, some people do. Last winter we all grew mustaches and have started to throw ideas around for this winter. The idea for this came last year when a reference to a classic Seinfeld surfaced. I forgot the title of the episode, but it opens with Jerry and George sporting the stache. They were taking a vacation from themselves.

I thought it was a good idea last year and would like to do something similar this year. The challenge will be that those who participated last year have either left Korea or work in different places this time around. A solo mustache doesn't have the same flare as a gaggle of staches, so it might need to be a little less overt.

Glen has suggested that we grow absurdly long and bushy "lamb chops" (stupid Brits). I assume he is referring to our old friend Ambrose.

Connecting the side burns to the stache presents a problem for most non-Union Army generals, but there are plenty of options. We could grow long soul patches or neck beards. We could do the reverse mullet and grow our bangs out really long.

Any suggestions?

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Ban the Glasses

We were eating dinner last night and our server was wearing the same kind of glasses that every rapist and pedophile I see on TV seem to sport. So, I think the best way to catch a pedophile is not through extensive manhunts after the fact, but by arresting everyone who is wearing these specific frames.

This is Marc Dutroux. He's a Belgian pedophile and if he was arrested the second he purchased these glasses, then he would not have committed the crime.

By the way, this guy is a member of a political party in Belgium. Their stated goal:
"To push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalisation of child pornography and sex with animals."
And you know why they want to lift the "ban"?
"A ban just makes children curious."
Using the old same drug use argument, huh? Do they really think that because sex with old men is banned, that children are going to be more curious? I'm afraid not Belgium.
So, rather than getting into just how disturbed that reasoning is or the fact that they claim that they "want to get into parliament so we have a voice. Other politicians only talk about us in a negative sense, as if we were criminals", I think I have figured out how to put an end to this crime all together.
Ban the glasses. Problem solved.
While looking for more pictures of these glasses, I came across this video.

This guy's got it down.

The Amazing Traveling Mixer Party

We wrapped up a booze-heavy tour of everyone's new digs yesterday in what Mike titled "The Amazing Traveling Mixer Party". I think it's fair to say that everyone had an excellent time. Here are some excepts and pics from the sign book that was passed around as we ventured from place to place.

Phil's Place : Rum and Daft Punk

"Phil's place (and hat) encompass everything that is right and wrong with Britain. I have no idea why...but yeah... It's true. Good drinks, good hats, and pillows that look like turds. Awesome."

"I'm so glad that I'm at Phil's place rather than Glen's. Glen's feet smell, but luckily they have yet to penetrate the innocence of Phil. I hate Glen."

"I like the earth tones of Phil's apartment. It really captures the essence of Mother Gaia (sp?). It also mixes well the a big, blue sex-machine like me."

Glen's Place : Gin and Kylie Minogue

"Your place is looking sweeeet, minus all the missing stuff. The purple blanket makes a big statement. Great job!"

"I have the same math weird."

"I can't believe the amount of sperm that is already on your mouse."

"I've never seen so many jars of semen in all my life."

"Glen = cool
Glen's turtles = cooler
Glen's penis inside his turtles when he's alone = Wednesday"

Dave's Place : Vodka and Glen spilling everything

"Your apartment reminds me of a beautiful song. Maybe..."

"Most guys buy a big car to compensate for their lack of manhood. You bought a big fridge..."

"Great fridge, great drinks."

"I've been impressed before. Not this time."

"Great idea on bringing Glen's jars of semen over here. But why is one half-empty?"

Chicken Place: Pedophile Server, Beer, Sake

"Chicken was served by deviants"

"Like all chicken places in Korea, it has chicken and young couples on their last legs. Unlike most chicken places, it has a bust of Laurel & Hardy and Phil doing a second round of semen-head."

"Here we are... and Glen looks like a gay Jack Johnson."

"Phil just admitted that America was more advanced than England because we can marry men."

"George is a retard and has no idea about men. Just ask Glen!"

"You guys have no idea how embarrassing it was to be in a taxi with Glen and Phil!!! No more!!"

George and 고's Place: Whiskey, bluegrass and The Pet Shop Boys

"Nobody wears an Obama shirt quite as badly as you do but I like the scooter helmets"

"You are a cunt. No more to be said"

"You guys look the same. Same shirts, same hats! I'm hot in my hat. Where's the hammer?"

"Your home is very lovely. It was nice to make all the mean boys drink nasty drinks"

"All you need to do now is make babies! Baby 1, baby 2, baby 3, baby 4..."

The sign book did not make it beyond our place and neither did we. The rest of the party went on to Mike's place for LIT's and then to Hongdae for dancing.

So I figured I would take a guess as to what I would have written at Mike's and perhaps you will join in.

"So that's where Glen gets his jars."